Healthy Relationships: Be Truthful

Tell The Truth Now Or Be Forced To Later

by Guest Author, Armen

You get the choice every so often to tell the truth or go an alternate route and speak dishonestly. Sometimes, dishonesty is great in the short term, possibly as short as a few milliseconds. What you might want to remember for the next time this choice comes up is that you can speak the truth now or be forced into doing so in a tougher condition at a future time.

The goal here is not to try to convince you to be more honest outright, but to point out the consequences of not being honest.

Dishonesty Represents Fear

One key point is that dishonesty is a sign of fear. Someone who had no fear would have no reason to be dishonest, because they wouldn’t be alleviating a short-term fear through it. Not only is it a signal of fear, your fear increases once the dishonesty has been shown, as you now have an added fear of someone finding out. If you want to get someone to start a cycle that will cause them huge problems in the future, try to convince them to lie about something. If your influence causes it to occur, you will have given them the seed of fear, which, unless they clear up quickly, will grow and hold them back from any substantial action.

You Will Know You Lied

When you don’t tell the truth at the first opportunity, and end up prevaricating, which is a quality word that means ‘lying’, the first person to know you lied is you. Then, you end up thinking about why you lied. This leads to feelings of disappointment, knowing that you viewed your interests and health as less valuable than that of appeasing the other person or people you were dishonest to. When you lie to someone, you are giving your power to them. It is like handing it over. If you lie to someone who doesn’t have your best intent in mind, and they find out, they will be quite glad because it represents weakness on your part.

Now You Try To Keep It Going

Once a lie is completed, you now have to use a certain percentage of your thinking capacity to maintain it. It stays in your mind, while all the other people you interact with don’t even know it is using up some of your cognitive ability. An item like this is one of the things that separates the results between a first-tier and second-tier individual of the same ability. While you might be equal to someone else, when it comes time to take action or show your ability, you may be 15% less able to do so due to a lie or two that is using up your energy. This then causes you to lose out to the other person, which further exacerbates your anguish in relation to the lie.

A Truth Tipping Point Is Reached

As this process continues, you may end up creating reason after reason to continue the deception. Each one adds on another percentage of thinking ability that is consumed maintaining your self-image in the face of continued demands. At a certain point, which might be called the tipping point, although that term is usually reserved for a cross into good territory, the lies take up more of your ability than you can handle to maintain your image. It is here that you switch to a fight-or-flight response. This is where your mind says that you have to release the truth because the cons now outweigh the pros of maintaining the deception, because you will soon break, and the truth will be released anyway. Once this point is hit, the truth comes out directly or indirectly, and the original consequences, plus added consequences from all the deception, show up to be responded to.

Lying versus telling the truth is another example of short-term thinking versus long-term thinking. Here are some examples of what lying says to the world:

  • I am too weak to deal with the consequences of the truth
  • I think only in the short-term
  • I am not interested in success
  • I am fine with having bigger problems down the road

Successful People Know This

This also relates to why it is a pleasure to work with successful people. When you do so, you can be nearly 100% sure that they won’t lie to you, because they would not risk their success with such a mistake. They know one lie could be their downfall, so what you get from them is likely unadulterated thoughts from their stream of consciousness. This influences you to do the same.

Lying Versus “Truth Postponement”

Back to the original point, you have to remember that the choice is not whether you tell the truth or lie, but whether you tell the truth now or get forced into it in a tough way at a later time or date. Keeping that in mind as what the actual choice is makes ‘lying’ slightly less appealing. ‘Lying’ could have a new meaning of “truth postponement”.

Lying By Omission Leaves Others Unable To Help You

I almost forgot to add in this about lying by omission. This type of lying is even worse than active lying because, at least in active lying, the person on the other end might help compel you to come clean and speak the truth later on. When you lie by omission, the other person usually has no idea you even left something out. They are then not able to provide some sort of corrective pressure on you. While this is usually described as the less damaging type of lying, which it is with respect to the person being lied to, it is more damaging to you. One way to think about it is that there is nothing you can say that is so bad that not saying it outweighs saying it in the long-term.

Weakness And Lies

Weakness, lies, and unsuccessfulness go very well together. They each lead to one another, and you generally want to avoid all three. Most people would see all three of these items as negatives. Weakness may seem to be more of a vague term, but it is the general feeling that arises from a problem being unsolved for the time being, leading to the mind having to expend energy trying to solve it, leaving it less capable to deal with new issues. Lies are quickly identified, and unsuccessfulness represents failure not in the sense of trying and failing, but either not trying or not understanding the plot.

Weakness Leads To Problems

Presenting yourself in a weak fashion, so as not to upset or bother anyone, is sure to bring problems your way. The minute you act like a doormat, people will treat you as such. Various problems arise when you try to ingratiate yourself with others by acting subserviently or similar. When you give in to others demands to make a situation less tense, they remember that and use it again the next time around. It isn’t because they want to be spiteful, but that their mind sees a shortcut in your weakness, and so it doesn’t make sense to not use it.

Lies Waste Your Time

A lie by definition has to be maintained to stay a lie. Once it is revealed, it is no longer a lie, and no longer leads to problems. Until that point, it is a false setting that has to be protected in its not being known. It takes loads of time and effort to make sure it doesn’t show up here or there, and this time and effort can’t be regained. The longer a lie is maintained, the more time you end up losing.

Keep This Trio Out Of Your Days

This combo of items that aren’t positive are to be avoided as a package. Remember that one leads to another, and they tend to originate from wanting to appease others. That will help in avoiding the circular effect.

When you are asked a direct question give a truthful (and always respectful) answer.  You owe that to your fellow human beings and yourself.

Related:

Telling Lies Can Affect Your Health

The Mind Body Connection

Our nervous systems are connected to our immune systems so it makes sense that our brain and our emotions can send out messages that affect our health. To put it simply, your body responds to the way you think. When we think happy thoughts our bodies produce endorphins; hormones that make us feel good. Those chemicals also contribute to a stronger, healthier immune system. Conversely, when we are worried, anxious or generally stressed out, our bodies produce different kinds of hormones such ascortisol, and norepinephrine.

Cortisol increases blood sugar and suppresses the immune system. Norepinephrine kick starts the “flight or fight” response meaning our heart rate accelerates and our blood pressure goes up.

Modern medical doctors as well as holistic practitioners agree that a person who lies continuously will eventually face anxiety, depression, physical illness and even psychological illness.

Source: Saundra Dalton-Smith M.D, author of Set Free to Live Free: Breaking Through the 7 Lies Women Tell Themselves.
Telling Lies Can Affect Your Health

Why Do We Lie?

Psychologists tell us that we lie because we are fearful of the consequences of telling the truth. Guilt bears a heavy burden on those who live into it, so people lie to avoid looking stupid, or incompetent, or so someone won’t get angry at them.

There are other reasons why people lie. People are afraid of being punished. They may feel embarrassed, they may loose face, status, or they might not get what they want, as many liars lie to manipulate people.

 
Liars think they are protecting themselves, but that kind of  payoffobliterates the meager benefits listed above and it can be devastating to one’s health and happiness.

First off, it takes a lot more effort to tell a lie than to tell the truth. 

To be a believable liar, you have to live into the lie, which often means believing in the lie yourself. Deluding yourself is stressful work because it’s a lot easier to remember the truth than it is to remember details of a lie. If you’re questioned about the situation that led to the lie, you have to stick with it even if someone challenges your lie with proof that you’re lying. It takes a smooth operator to gloss over every challenge and it takes a sharp memory to defend every lie with conviction. Even the most convincing liar constantly worries that his or her lies will be exposed. It’s that kind of anxiety that brings on ulcers, headaches, sleepless nights and paranoia.

Lying is not only an anti-social behavior, liars often become anti-social themselves. If they hang around people they’ve lied to, they begin to dislike those people. They may even blame them for their problems. It’s no wonder that lies can ruin work relationships, marriages and friendships. If you’re caught in a lie, your credibility drops to zero. Without credibility or friends it’s easy to understand why liars are prone to self-criticism and depression.

 Don’t Worry About Choosing the Truth

If you are tempted to lie, relax. Remember that the repercussions of telling the truth are really much easier on the mind and body than are the repercussions of telling a lie. There are a lot of benefits in choosing to tell the truth, including saving your sanity and physical health.

Simply by saying you’re sorry (if you did something wrong) and offering to make up for your error may end the ordeal quickly and you won’t be plagued with having to constantly substantiate the charade of the lie.

Simply by telling the truth about an embarrassing situation and taking responsibility for your actions can win you respect and perhaps even the support of others.

You’ll also gain a reputation for being an honest person. True, you may be known for making mistakes, but honesty is still the best policy and you’ll avoid that stomach ulcer.

People may just become more truthful to you and that has lots of advantages. You’ll worry less about whether others are telling you lies.

By being a truthful person, you’ll become more persuasive. People will trust you more. It’s ironic, but truthful people get more of what they want in life and if you get what you want you have less to stress about.

By being truthful, you’ll sleep better, eat healthier and consequently, you’ll look better.

To Stay Healthy, Stay Honest

Remember, whether you call them fibs, white lies, or exaggerations, if it isn’t the whole truth..it’s a lie.

We don’t often realize that something as simple as the words we chose, can make us ill, but it’s true. Lies will eventually eat you alive; the truth will support and nourish your mind, body and spirit.

So don’t jeopardize your mental and physical well-being by letting fear rule your actions and choice of words. Lies will enslave you…and as the saying goes, “The truth will set you free”.

Advertisements

One thought on “Healthy Relationships: Be Truthful

Comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s