6 Things Happy People Never Do

by Guest Blogger,

Happiness is not something you postpone for future; it is something you design into present.

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Happiness, Heart & Health

Happy people do a lot of things.  They spend time expressing gratitude, cultivating optimism, practicing kindness, nurturing loving relationships, committing to meaningful goals, savoring life’s little pleasures, and so on and so forth.

But they NEVER…

1.  Mind other people’s business.

Forget about what others are doing.  Stop looking at where they are and what they have.  Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you.  YOU are walking your own path.  Sometimes the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes circumstances with everyone else’s public highlight reel.  We listen to the noise of the world, instead of ourselves.  So stop the comparisons!  Ignore the distractions.  Listen to your own inner voice.  Mind your own business.

Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day.  Don’t be scared to walk alone, and don’t be scared to enjoy it.  Don’t let anyone’s ignorance, drama, or negativity stop you from being the best you can be.  Keep doing what you know in your heart is right, for YOU.  Because when you are focused on meaningful work and at peace within yourself, almost nothing can shake you.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Passion and Growth” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

2.  Seek validation of self-worth from others.

When you are content to simply be yourself, without comparing and competing to impress others, everyone worthwhile will respect you.  And even more importantly, you will respect yourself.

How are you letting others define you?  What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Truth be told, no one has the right to judge you.  People may have heard your stories, and they may think they know you, but they can’t feel what you are going through; they aren’t living YOUR life.  So forget what they think and say about you.  Focus on how you feel about yourself, and keep walking the path that feels best under your feet.

Those who accept you are your friends.  Those who don’t are your teachers.  If someone calls you something and it’s true, it’s not your problem because it’s true.  If someone calls you something and it’s not true, it’s not your problem because it’s not true.  Either way, whatever they call you is not your problem.  What other people call you is their problem…

What you call yourself, and who you decide to become, is your problem.

3.  Rely on other people and external events for happiness.

Unhappiness lies in that gap between what we have now and what we think we need.  But the truth is, we don’t need to acquire anything more to be content with what we already have.  We don’t need anyone else’s permission to be happy.  Your life is magnificent not because someone says it is, or because you have acquired something new, but because you choose to see it as such.  Don’t let your happiness be held hostage.  It is always yours to choose, to live and experience.

As soon as you stop making everyone and everything else responsible for your happiness, the happier you’ll be.  If you’re unhappy now, it’s not someone else’s fault.  Take full responsibility for your own unhappiness, and you will instantly gain the ability to be happier.  Stop seeking in vain to arrange conditions that will make you happy.  Simply choose to appreciate the greatness that is yours in this moment, and the right conditions will start to line up around the contentment you seek.

The greater part of your happiness or unhappiness depends upon your outlook, and not upon our situation.  Even if things aren’t perfect right now, think of all the beauty still left around you.  A good reason to smile is always one thought away; choose to tap into it any time you like.  (Read The Gifts of Imperfection.)

4.  Hold on to resentment.

Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghosts from your past.  What happened in the past is just one chapter in your story; don’t close the book, just turn the page.

We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others, and while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long.  Feelings of resentment urge us to relive the same pain over and over, and we have a hard time letting go.

Forgiveness is the remedy.  It allows you to focus on the future without combating the past.  To understand the infinite potential of everything going forward is to forgive everything already behind you.  Without forgiveness, wounds can never be healed and personal growth can never be achieved.  It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened.  It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

5.  Spend prolonged periods of time in negative environments.

You can’t make positive choices for the rest of your life without an environment that makes those choices easy, natural, and enjoyable.  So protect your spirit and potential from contamination by limiting your time with negative people and the environments they inhabit.

When other people invite you to act like victims, when they whine and moan about the unfairness of life, for example, and ask you to agree, to offer condolences, and to participate in their grievances, WALK AWAY.  When you join in that game of negativity you always lose.

Even when you’re alone, create a positive mental space for yourself.  Make it a point to give up all the thoughts that make you feel bad, or even just a few of them that have been troubling you, and see how doing that changes your life.  You don’t need negative thoughts.  They are all lies.  They solve nothing.  All they have ever given you is a false self that suffers for no reason.  (Read Buddha’s Brain.)

6.  Resist the truth.

It is a certain deathtrap when we spend our lives learning how to lie, because eventually these lies grow so strong in our minds that we become bad at seeing, telling and living our own truth.  Lives come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies.  If you resist the truth, you will live a lie every day as the truth haunts your thoughts every night.  You simply can’t get away from your truth by moving dishonestly from one place to the next.

So don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to hide the truth with deception; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion of what’s popular.  It is better to offer no explanation or excuse than a false one.  It takes courage and strength to admit the truth, but it is the only way to truly live.  Accept what is, embrace it fully, and live for the possibilities that lie ahead.

Your turn…

What would you add to the list?  What’s something you should NOT do if you want to be happy?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

 

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About Guest Author, Marc Chernoff

Marc and Angel Hack Life

Marc and Angel Chernoff have been recognized by Forbes as having “one of the most popular personal development blogs.”  Through their blog, book, course and coaching, they’ve spent the past decade writing about and teaching proven strategies for finding lasting happiness, success, love and peace.

Marc and Angel both share a great passion for inspiring others to live to their fullest potential, and they honestly feel best when they are inspiring others to be their best.

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Check Out Their Wonderful Books and Blog at:  http://www.marcandangel.com/


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30% off my own books until midnight tonight!  Use code: OSCAR30 at  checkout.

Link: http://www.lulu.com/shop/maria-dorfner/healthy-within/paperback/product-21813389.html

 

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30% off my own books until midnight tonight!  Use code: OSCAR30 at  checkout!
LINK:  http://www.lulu.com/shop/maria-dorfner/healthy-within/paperback/product-21813389.html

newsmd1   MARIA DORFNER, an award-winning health journalist, TV  writer and producer, including original health programming, is the founder of NewsMD Communications, LLC promoting best in class health startups, hospitals, non-profits, health books, physicians & health stories to national media & consumers. She is the founder of Healthy Within Network, a health content production, programming & distribution company.

This is her blog.

Contact:  maria.dorfner@yahoo.com

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Love: What the World Needs Now by Maria Dorfner

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Today, I interview Paul J. Zak about health, love and morality.

Zak has done extensive research into discovering what chemical in our brain ultimately prompts us to love.

So much so, that this son of a prior Catholic nun has a new nickname.

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Paul J. Zak is a scientist, prolific author, and public speaker. His book The Moral Molecule: The Source of Love and Prosperity was published in 2012 and was a finalist for the Wellcome Trust Book Prize.

He is the founding Director of the Center for Neuroeconomics Studies and Professor of Economics, Psychology and Management at Claremont Graduate University.

Dr. Zak also serves as Professor of Neurology at Loma Linda University Medical Center. He has degrees in mathematics and economics from San Diego State University, a Ph.D. in economics from University of Pennsylvania, and post-doctoral training in neuroimaging from Harvard.

He is credited with the first published use of the term “neuroeconomics.” He organized and administers the first doctoral program in neuroeconomics. Dr. Zak’s lab discovered in 2004 that the brain chemical oxytocin allows us to determine who to trust.

His current research has shown that oxytocin is responsible for virtuous behaviors, working as the brain’s “moral molecule.”

This knowledge is being used to understand the basis for civilization and modern economies, improve negotiations, and treat patients with neurologic and psychiatric disorders.

Dr. Zak’s work on relationships earned him the nickname “Dr. Love.”

Q & A with Paul J. Zak
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1.  First, what prompted you to write The Moral Molecule:  The Source of Love and Prosperity and what’s love got to do with it?

I think the oldest debate humans have had since we have been having debates is on whether our human nature is good or evil.  Think Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, etc.  We are really curious about this!

Of course, most of us can be incredibly kind and sometimes nasty.  I wanted to see if I could find a “switch” in the brain from naughty to nice and figure out what turns this switch on and off.  And, my mother, before she was my mother, was a Catholic nun.  So, growing up I was given a very black and white view of morality.

But, my observation was that morality was more situational.  So, I basically spent 10 years of research so I could argue better with my mother (!).  Based on research done on rodents, I hypothesized that the mammalian neurochemical oxytocin might be the moral molecule. My experiments (and replications and extensions by many others) have shown a key role for oxytocin in motivating positive social behaviors.  Oxytocin is sometimes called the “love molecule” as it sustains romantic bonds and motivates care for offspring.

So, love makes us moral.  I think my mom would agree with this!

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2.  Absolutely.  How does positive touch and psychological support promote health?

Oxytocin motivates moral behaviors–even among strangers–by making us feel empathy where we share the emotions of others.

It promotes human interactions by reducing stress responses and thereby improving the immune systems.  Perhaps surprisingly, it is other people who keep us healthy (and, we’ve shown, happy).

We need connections, our brains and bodies crave it. We have shown that touch releases oxytocin.  So, I recommend 8 hugs a day.  Hug a stranger–its good for them and for you.

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3.  I’m Italian, so hugs come naturally. What if someone is alone?  Can they raise oxytocin levels?

Loneliness is stressful for social creatures like humans.  But, people who are alone can “hack” the oxytocin/connection system in several says.First of all, get a pet.  Our experiments have shown that dogs are better oxytocin promoters than are cats, but any pet is probably good.Second, use social media.  We have shown in experiments that social media of all types cause oxytocin release.  Third, massage is very healthful and causes oxytocin release (or start hugging people).

Lastly, nearly any activity that people do together can cause oxytocin release, including singing, dancing, going to movies, riding a roller coaster and especially helping others.

All these behaviors can “train the brain” to be better at connecting to people by increasing our oxytocin release.

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4.  Great tips.  All in moderation.  In your book you say love is also the source to prosperity. Let’s talk about that.  I read 90% of well-educated men who have graduated from college are ready for marriage between the ages of twenty-six to thirty-three-years-old.  These are the high commitment years.  Studies show a never married man at age forty-two becomes a confirmed bachelor.  Is oxytocin higher during the high commitment years making them able to trust and bond, as  older men get jaded?

High testosterone, our experiments have shown, is a powerful oxytocin inhibitor.  Testosterone falls in men after age 30 or so.  It also falls when men are in committed relationships and when they have children.  So, younger men may need a romantic partner to “tame” them so they can better attach to others.

Like any other brain system (or the French you took in 5th grade), the brain reduces the energy spent to maintain brain pathways that are little used.  Low attachment opportunities may make it harder in the future to find a mate.  A dog, though, is a good place to start.  Dogs also make being approached by strangers easier.  Go dogs!

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5.  Pets are amazing.  How about studies that consistently find a significant correlation between length of marriage and wealth accumulation?  Most millionaires are and stay married.  According to Dr. Thomas J. Stanley, author of “The Millionaire Mind” millionaires and those who will probably attain this status have a unique ability to select mates with a certain set of qualities:  Honest, Responsible, Loving, Capable & Supportive.  Does love keep you healthy AND wealthy?  If so, how?
 

Married men work harder, make more money, are happier, and live healthier and longer.  This is likely due to the anxiolytic effects of oxytocin.

High wealth men tend to have higher testosterone, so both marriage partners need to make love/romance a committment to keep the flame of oxytocin alive.

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6. I’ve also read certain foods release oxytocin naturally.  Namely, pasta with garlic and tomato sauce,  (happy to hear as an Italian!) plums, apples, turkey, fish, eggs, cheese, nuts, cottage cheese, chick peas, oregano and another favorite, chocolate!  Have I left anything out?
Actually, oxytocin is such a primitive molecule we never run out of its building blocks.  Foods rich in phytoestrogens can make us more sensitive to oxytocin (perhaps by increasing oxytocin receptors though this has not been shown in humans yet).  These foods include soy, broccoli, tea, wine.
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7.  What are some more natural ways of releasing this love hormone to stay healthy? (i.e. pets, warm bath, soothing music)
Besides those listed above, moderately stressful events like travel or riding a roller coaster will raise oxytocin.  The best way to spike one’s
oxytocin is sex in a committed relationship.  Cuddling, holding hands, kissing will all do it.  Warm temperature helps, as does sharing a meal.
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8.  Nice.  Why hasn’t everyone been prescribed oxytocin in the nasal spray form to boost their well-being?
The spray inhibits the brain’s ability to control the release of oxytocin.  The brain’s oxytocin system is finely tuned so that oxytocin is released when we have a positive social interaction and then release is shut off.  You don’t want to leave the trust switch turned “on” at all times, this could be dangerous.  There is also evidence in animals that long-term oxytocin treatment can damage oxytocin receptors so the trust-empathy system could, over time, begin to fail.
9.  Interesting. Recently, there have been studies linking oxytocin with having a healthier body image. What are your thoughts on it being used as a treatment for anorexia, body dysmorphia or any other number of body image disorders?
My lab has done many studies of oxytocin replacement therapy.  For short to moderate periods of time, in combination with counselling, this is an appropriate approach for some patients with body imaging disorders.  The first line treatment would be with SSRIs like Prozac or Paxil and it turns out that this class of drugs moderately increases oxytocin in the brain.
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10.  Prescription drugs can have serious side effects so I’d like to focus on natural ways to release oxytocin. If someone were to begin doing all the natural things you mention, how long would it take them to begin feeling better and healthier?

Almost immediately!  Oxytocin is released in about 1 second after a positive contact.  If you follow Dr. Love’s (my nickname) prescription of 8 hugs a day, then you are training the brain to release oxytocin more easily.

That’s the key to being happier and healthier (and exercise and eat well wouldn’t hurt, either).

THAT ENDS OUR INTERVIEW. THANK YOU DR. ZAK FOR JOINING US.  THANK YOU FOR READING. -Maria
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If you’d like to learn more about Paul J. Zak’s amazing work visit http://www.pauljzak.com or watch his Global TED Talk at link below.
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Palm Sunday: Holy Week. Healthy Week

Ah, Palm Sunday.  Start of Holy Week  for Catholics.   Jesus arrives into Jerusalem

When Jesus entered Jerusalem, palm leaves were laid in his path.  So, it’s called Palm Sunday.

I come from an extremely large Italian, Catholic family.  That’s a photo of my Mom with her parents and siblings. Dad’s side is just as big.   Holy Day turns into Fun Day in a big family.  Lots of relatives to visit.  Lots of cousins running around making Holy jokes.

At Mass, instead of our parents giving us money to put IN a basket, we got to TAKE something OUT.  Palms!  Not just ANY palms.  HOLY Palms!  BLESSED.  And free!  One for each kid.

But, we each grabbed a PALM full. Holy. I know.  Then, we’d go visit all our relatives.  We got to say, “Happy Palm Sunday!” as we exchanged palms.  As a kid, the key was getting a bigger one in return.  Again, the Holiness.  I know.

At the end of the day, kids compared their stash of palms. The bigger your stash, the richer you felt.  It was like trick-or-treating on Halloween without the toothache.  I especially miss my Grandparents on this day.  Visiting them was the highlight of Palm Sunday.   Both set of grandparents had the Rolls Royce of all Palms.  A keeper.  To remember how blessed you are.

Today, if you walk into any Italian home, you will spot a palm somewhere. That photo at the top of this blog is real. I was visiting a friend at her father’s home and it made me smile, so I photographed it. It was in the kitchen tucked into a bulletin board.  Sometimes, they’re hidden.  If you’re a good detective like Nancy Drew here, you can spot any Italian with that one clue.  Even non-practicing Catholics like to remember when they believed in something, like getting a bigger palm in exchange for a little one.

Palm Sunday was also an exciting time in a kid’s life because we knew we’d get a new pair of shoes and fancy clothes to wear to Mass on Easter Sunday.  Girls got a new hat, dress, white gloves, socks and a new handbag.  The boys got new shoes, socks, suit and bow tie.  If there was a chill in the air, we got a new coat too.  Yes, that’s me.  Everything was new.  Life was good.

Since everyone isn’t a practicing Catholic or understanding of why materialism became a part of a Holy Day, I am making today Healthy Week.   All-inclusive.  Like a vacation without having to pay.

 

That said, you will scream & go out of your mind at my suggestions. That will pass.  Stick with it.

8 THINGS YOU CAN DO  FOR HEALTHY WEEK:

1.  Quit Coffee Cold Turkey1-2 cups daily if you must.

2.  Quit Soda Cold Turkey.  Drink water.

3.  Start walking 30-min. a day.

4.  Limit alcohol to 1-2 drinks a day, any time you drink or don’t drink at all.

5.  Quit smoking cold turkey. 

6.  Build Healthy Relationships.  Click photo above if you don’t know what that means.

7.  Enjoy nature without tech gadgets. 

 

8.  Help Someone. 

Remember, you don’t need to do all 8 this week.  Pick ONE.  Just ONE.  Stick with it for at least 60-Days to make it stick.  Then, try another one on the list until you get to all 8.

Then, your Healthy Week turns into a Healthy Year, which turns into a Healthy Lifestyle.   🙂

btw, I reached another Milestone in my Blog last week.  My FIRST hateful comment.  I was warned haters were out there. But, I blog about health.  Who would hate me? 

Well, a friend shared my blog on Facebook.  A stranger comments, “That gal is just a buzz killington.”  A what?  GASP!  It wasn’t a friend joke.  I’d laugh at that.   No, this was a complete stranger being serious.  He hated that I blogged that his hookah bong smoking was unhealthy. Well, I’m thinking that man will LOVE me after seeing THIS list.  Right?

Happy & Healthy Palm Sunday, everyone! 🙂

First Aid for the Soul

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COMMENTS:

  •  Richard Renda Totally Cool ‎– but don’t make “Yourself” the only thing that matters. throwing in an extra 2 cents !!!! always loved this quote. “a penny for the Truth, 2 cents for a heart.” ok there’s my 2 cents : )))
    37 minutes ago · Like ·  1
  • Maria Dorfner

    You’re welcome, Robert. Richard, I agree with your two ♥ cents. It’s simply another version of the Oxygen Mask adage, which a smart person recently shared with me. It’s if there’s an emergency on an airplane and you’re travelling with kids, put your own oxygen mask on first. Why? Because if you pass out, you are in no position to help anyone else survive. It applies on the ground as well. You’ll be of little to no use to the people who depend upon you if you don’t take care of yourself first. The title should actually read: Be good to you, so you can be good to others! ♥

Happiness Makes Your Brain Work Better

Image   by: Jessica Stillman,  Inc.com

A Harvard psychology researcher explains that rather than thinking of success as the source of happiness, we should think of happiness as a source of success–and one that’s more under our control than we imagine.

Entrepreneurs, in general, are strivers. We set targets, battle to meet them, and believe that getting to that point, whatever it is, will bring us increased satisfaction. But according to one positive psychology researcher out of Harvard, as commonsensical as this tendency to chase achievement in order to attain greater happiness may sound, it’s actually got the equation reversed.

In a fascinating (and funny) TEDxBloomington talk, Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage, argues that while we may think success will bring us happiness, the lab-validated truth is that happiness brings us more success. And understanding this is particularly valuable for entrepreneurs, Achor said in an interview. Business owners, he said, need to, Reverse the happiness and success formula.

We think if we work harder and achieve some entrepreneurial goal, then we’ll be happier. But the research is clear that every time you have a success, your brain changes what success means. So for you and for your team, if happiness is on the opposite side of success, you’ll never get there. But if you increase your levels of happiness in the midst of a challenge—in the midst of searching for investment, in the midst of a down economy—what we find is that all of your success rates rise dramatically – every business outcomes improves.

The brain, it turns out, works significantly better when you’re feeling positive, so developing a sunny outlook allows you to be smarter and more creative. “We found that optimism is the greatest predictor of entrepreneurial success because it allows your brain to perceive more possibilities,” said Achor. “Only 25 percent of job success is based upon IQ. Seventy-five percent is about how your brain believes your behavior matters, connects to other people, and manages stress.”

English: Woody Allen in concert in New York City.
Image via Wikipedia

If you’re all set to argue that your level of optimism or ability to handle stress is out of your control and determined by either your genes or your childhood, requiring a Woody Allen-level commitment to psychiatric intervention to reverse, Achor would like to correct you. “It’s a cultural myth that we cannot change our happiness,” he said, explaining that:

Genes are really important to happiness, but that’s based upon the cult of the average. What that means is that the average person doesn’t fight their genes. So if you’re born with genes for obesity or for pessimism, and you don’t change your behavior than your genes win. Happiness comes easier to some people, but happiness is a possibility for all if we change our behavior or our mindset.

And changing your mindset is probably less difficult than you imagine. “No one would think that something small could change patterns of pessimism from decades or from genes,” conceded Achor, but he said research proves the doubters wrong. “What we found was something as simple as writing down three things you’re grateful for every day for 21 days in a row significantly increases your level of optimism and it holds for the next six months. The research is amazing. It proves we actually can change.”

So if you’re looking for more ways to boost your personal happiness quotient, than check out Achor’s TED talk below for some simple interventions that have been proven to help (they’re towards the end). Or if you’re more focused on helping your team perform better by being happier, check out Achor’s recent Harvard Business Review Magazine cover story, explaining, as Achor put it, that “happiness leads to greater levels of profits. In the article I described some things you can do at a team organizational level” to promote it.

  

More from Inc.com

Healthy Relationships: Love vs. Fear

The most popular blog so far was one about Healthy Relationships.  This tells me today’s health consumer isn’t only concerned about their physical well-being, but they’re aware of the strong link between physical well-being and their emotional and mental state.

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That’s why having a healthy relationship is the Holy Grail of life.  When you’re healthy from the inside, you attract healthy relationships, which is why so many people want to know how to do that.

Healthy Relationships should be a class taught in grade school throughout College, along with Nutrition and Healthy Living, which teaches how to cope with stress in life, because that will be a constant. Algebra and Calculus will not.

My book, HEALTHY WITHIN would do more to improve this world than any STEM class.

You may think love and how to love comes naturally, but not everyone has good role models. Oftentimes, parents are too busy working or dealing with their own stressors to demonstrate love properly.

Children end up witnessing verbal or physical abuse, addictions, financial stress and any other number of unhealthy behaviors from the very adults who are supposed to protect and nurture them. Many children end up being adults to keep it all together.

Breakdown of family is a huge stressor and research proves it can actually have a negative impact on children’s brain cells. But the good news is it can be reversed.

You, and only you, become responsible for your own behavior (forget your parents or any other unhealthy adult in your life) and can eat right, exercise and practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is paying attention to who you allow into your personal space. Decide to make it positive.

You can be aware of everything going on in the world, and do your best to have a positive impact on it, but first you need take care of your own well-being. Get away from unhealthy people. People can be unhealthy in mind, body or spirit. You will sense this by the way they treat you and other people. They project hostility. They name-call. They bully. Your job is not to be triggered. That’s what they want. Ignore it.

Stay in your calm, peaceful, healthy state and do not react to it.  At a later time, you may respond from a place of wanting to understand. More than likely, you will learn that person was in pain at the time, and it had absolutely nothing to do with you. Part of knowing how to love oneself is learning how to love others by not reacting to them. Every child and adult needs to learn how to love. Most people love trying to get something. No. Love is selfless. Love doesn’t react. Love is calm. Love observes and seeks to understand where anger or hostility is really coming from. When a child acts out in school love asks, “Is everything okay at home?”

When a patients visits a doctor with physical aches and pains or a desire to lose weight love asks, “What’s going on in your life? Your relationships? Your job? Your finances?” Love doesn’t react by prescribing a pill before really getting to the bottom of what’s going on in someone’s life.

Again, everyone needs to learn how to love in every income bracket. Lawyers, doctors, judges, Presidents, writers –everyone. Your work is a reflection of your ability to ask the right questions before reacting to something. Every decision you make is a reflection of your knowledge or ignorance.

Personal responsibility in this world comes first. It means you need to take the time to learn what you need to because educators think teaching you how to spell well is more important than teaching you how to live or love well.

You need to learn how to love yourself first, then family, then friends, then partner, then colleagues, then community, then the whole world.

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I’m reminded of the 1984 power ballad recorded by the British American rock band, Foreigner called, “I Want to Know What Love Is.”

The song hit #1 in both the UK and the U.S.

It’s no wonder why people want to know what love is because a healthy romantic relationship spills over into every other area of your life. It’s that extra skip in your step and glow on your face when you think of your special someone.

It gives you natural energy.

As much as television shows, films or magazines may glorify the one night stand, casual sex or being a player (another name for “Loser”) — the reality of it is that great sex comes with a great relationship.  Fast food is momentary fullness with negative consequences, whereas consistently eating healthy has all the benefits that leave you feeling physically, mentally, intellectually and emotionally full and feeling good.

The emotion that has the most healing power for all physical ailments is LOVE.  So many people focus time on finding the right mate, but don’t even know how to love because they don’t even realize they are filled with fear.

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.”

~Marianne Williamson

Love and Fear are the most powerful ways of being that you can experience. In fact everything in your life every thought that you think, every word that you speak, every action you take falls under one of these powerfully creative headings.

You are at all times thinking, speaking and acting out of love or out of fear. They cannot coexist. In the same way all sponsoring emotions experienced can be and are categorized under one or the other…either love or fear.

When you begin to understand this you can then become more “conscious” of which you are expressing as you go about your day to day life which will provide you with a much deeper understanding as to how the day to day events, conditions and circumstances in the various areas of your life unfold.

It’s no secret in today’s world that the predominant thoughts that you think become things…physical things.

The more you focus on the things you want, (love) the more of those things you’ll see manifest in your life. By the same token, the more you focus on those things that you don’t want, (fear) that realization becomes just as apparent and shows up in the various areas of your life as events, conditions and circumstances that you don’t want.

In fact becoming consciously aware of the power of both love and fear and learning to consciously direct your thoughts, beliefs and emotions toward love, regardless of the “perceived” appearances in your physical world, will prove to provide “profound” transformation in each of your physical outcomes.

Your physical experiences in life…those things that you can see, touch, taste, hear and smell are merely effects.

These effects are determined by the predominant thoughts that you choose to think and become increasingly creative as emotions are attached to them.

A thought consistently focused on what you love will produce what you love in physical form. Consistent thoughts of fear (things you don’t want) are intensified by fear and create what is feared.

How can that be?

As with everything both Love and fear at their core in their purest and most basic form exist as a vibrational frequency of energy. These vibrational frequencies attract to themselves additional frequencies that harmonize with them creating in physical form whatever choice you make.

Quite simply Love attracts to you what you love and fear pushes what you love away. Put another way fear attracts to you what you fear and love pushes what you fear away.

Both love and fear are powerfully attractive forces. We get to choose which we will use because of “Unconditional Love” and that Unconditional Love attracts to us and provides us what we choose without fail whether that individual choice is based on love or fear.

We can choose to focus on lack, limitation and discontent which falls under the “fear” heading or we can choose to place and keep that focus on abundance, plenty and fulfillment which is categorized under the love heading.

Unconditional Love says “Whatsoever ye desire, “believe” and ye shall receive.”

Fearing in something happening in your life is due to an underlying belief just as the Love and experience of something is due to an underlying belief.

Fear is merely a “faith” or belief that the things we fear will be experienced by us in physical form and as a result of that underlying “belief”, that is what we will experience at some point unless and until the fear is changed within ourselves and we make the choice to shift the focus from what is feared to what is loved.

Learning to become consciously aware of our reactions to specific outcomes whether it be love or fear can be a great way to let us know what we are believing in at any given moment and begin to understand how to better utilize our creative power “consciously”, intentionally and purposefully.

From a scientific perspective…

Thought correlates with it’s object.”

Your choice to focus on Love and experiencing what you love is a belief that you can and “Unconditional Love”  makes certain that you do. Love projects a much different thought frequency than fear and attracts what you love in the same way that fear projects a much different frequency than love and too, you draw precisely what you fear.

Thought correlates with it’s object. Thoughts of fear correlate, attract and create what is feared. Thoughts of love correlate, attract and create what is loved.

Either choice delivers precisely what we choose because “Unconditional Love” says “Whatsoever ye desire…”believe” and ye shall receive.”

Unconditional Love  makes no judgments or determinations as to your choices, it only provides outcomes unfailingly and unconditionally just as you ask…”Whatsoever” you ask.

Unconditional Love provides you with the choice as to what you will experience and the same Unconditional Love provides it too you just as you choose.

When you really begin to grasp and internalize this truth you begin to understand that you have nothing to fear. You get to choose your experience. You only need become conscious of that fact…awaken and begin “consciously” choosing what you love by placing and consistently keeping your predominant focus on what it is that you love.

Many today…the mass majority in fact are inundated with various fears and as a result of what they are “unconsciously” asking for through their vibrational output or energetic projection are continually attracting events, conditions and circumstances that are harmonious with that choice resulting in outcomes which further reinforce the “perceptions” that life is hard, difficult or at best bearable.

Life is what you choose. You choose your own way….your own experience. An expression of Love is a choice just as an expression of fear is a choice.

Although you are unable to change the fact that you think, you do have a choice and can consciously choose “what” you think.

If you have a desire to see your big dreams and desires unfold, don’t fear what you don’t want…learn to shift and focus your predominant thoughts on loving what you do want. Both provide physical outcomes “unconditionally” that harmonize and correlate precisely and with unwavering certainty with your individual choice.

Make certain that what you are projecting through your thoughts and emotional output is filled with love which cannot fail to draw to you more of that which you love.

When focusing on and projecting love, remain in love and unattach from the outcome. Love doesn’t require effort for attraction to occur.

An attachment to or “anxiousness toward” an outcome projects and communicates want which implies not having or the lack of which projects an energy frequency which is tainted by fear and pushes away rather than draws to you the desired outcome.

An “anxious” expectation of receiving is a communication that you are waiting for and expecting an outcome which the Universe responds to in precisely the way it is being communicated which keeps you in a place of continual waiting and expectation with the desired outcome remaining just outside of your reach.

Fear keeps the majority trapped in a self imposed prison. Fear of a lack of security…fear of failure…fear of the unknown…fear of the future based on the past experiences they’ve encountered that were experienced simply as a result of fear based beliefs chosen and held in the past which created and caused the experience to begin with.

Many will claim it’s not fear that keeps them stuck in undesirable careers but rather that it’s wanting or needing security. “I stay where I am because I’m seeking security.” If that makes you feel better you have the ability as well as the choice to stand by your claim, but seeking security is a widely accepted form of logic which under the surface is operating under fear.

How is that?

When looked at from a deeper perspective, seeking security is simply another form of fear disguised. Seeking security implies that you don’t already have available to you what is needed to be secure and the reality is that you already do. As you’ll recall in a previous chapter, EVERYTHING already exists as a “probability of existence.” You only need to create it and call it to you…to “attract” it to you through a focus of Love.

Fear keeps people stuck doing what they feel they “have” to do to have their security and as a result few rarely venture out to fulfill their passion and purpose which would, when done with the proper intention…out of love…provide them with far more security than any “trade your time for money” J.O.B. could EVER provide.

Regardless of which area of life it might be, fear is a very limiting and sad way to live life. It will in fact keep the majority from ever “truly” living life to the fullest unless a conscious choice is made to choose something different.

A choice of focusing on Love in everything done is the answer.

Fear is merely a “faith” that whatever it is that is being feared will unfold and as a result it does. Fear of failure keeps you from “doing” those things which would create the success that you desire and IS the “underlying” cause for creating what is “perceived” as failure or mediocre results at best.

Although in reality there is no such thing as failure, fear keeps many from achieving what they desire and already have the ability to do.

Creation NEVER fails. “Perceived” failure is merely a successful creation with the “underlying cause” often going undetected by the one experiencing it. Failure is merely fear created in physical form but creation is ALWAYS successful…It NEVER fails and ALWAYS provides just what you ask.

Many are just doing the “asking” unconsciously.

There are MANY forms of fear…

Fear Of Loss

Fear of Failure

Fear of Success

Fear of The Unknown

Fear of The Future

Fear of The Past

Fear of…???

The list is endless…”Infinite” in fact. All that needs to be done is to replace the fear with LOVE. That happens as a choice. An individual choice that you have the right as well as the ability to make.

Fear creates outcomes…physical outcomes just as love does. Fear paralyzes and keeps hopes dreams and desires from being fulfilled in life just as love makes certain that they’re experienced.

What so few fail to realize and grasp is that Fear is merely “faith” disguised.

Fear is merely a form of faith that resides on the opposite end of the spectrum of love.

Most have heard and are familiar with the saying that Love and fear cannot co-exist. Although in reality they do co-exist in the physical world they cannot be experienced by the heart or mind at the same time.

Both Love and fear are based on faith and projected from the mind based on individual choice. Fear is merely a form of faith, often unrecognized which is determined by choosing to place your predominant focus on that which is feared.

Remaining in and focusing on fear will produce results in your life just as certainly as focusing on what you love will produce results that correlate and harmonize with that which is loved.

Faith is constant and unfailing in delivering outcomes in each and every area of life. It will provide physical outcomes that are feared just as certainly as it will provide outcomes that are loved.

Far too many attempt to create and experience what they love by experiencing and placing focus on what they fear. Put another way, you will never experience what you desire to experience in your life by keeping your predominant focus on what you would rather not experience. Faith never misses and as modern day scientists have proven, energy flows where attention goes without fail.

“Thought correlates with it’s object.”

Granted, the love of something emits a far greater and far more powerful energy, but remaining focused and fixated on fear can, will and does produce results based on that which is feared.

Although both love and fear, or ANY other emotional output for that matter, at their core exist as vibrational energies, love resonates and projects a much higher vibrational resonance than fear which can only draw to you energies that harmonize with the energy being projected which is transmuted from the unseen, metaphysical or spiritual realm and through the unwavering and immutable process of creation produces a harvest which shows up as the events, conditions and circumstances in your life.

The process of creation has been created to be VERY simple. Plant a seed and the harvest produced consists of and correlates with the kind and quality of seed planted.

Love represents one form of this seed and fear represents a different form of seed. Both are seeds and both produce a harvest. Although they are both creative and both a seed they can no more produce a harvest of the opposite than an apple seed can produce an orange tree.

You can no more expect to reap a harvest of what you “love” by planting “fear” seeds than you would expect to reap a harvest of apples by planting an orange seed.

Your individual choice to project love or fear is neither a right or wrong choice but simply a choice which determines without fail, your harvest. That choosing determines with immutable and unwavering certainty 100% of the time what that harvest will consist of.

So how do you break out of this fear mode? Become aware of who and what you truly are, which is a spiritual being inhabiting a physical “meat suit” which is having a physical experience with EVERY conceivable outcome already available to you.

Learn to “consciously” utilize the incredible and never failing creative power that has been freely provided to you and your ability to rise above any “perceived” obstacle that might be encountered in life by merely making the conscious choice to do so will be automatic.

Most fears are experienced as the result of looking at the past and believing that because some undesirable event, condition or circumstance happened then, that it could be or will be repeated at some point in the future. It’s this form of fear that will keep you stuck repeating the same self limiting patterns over and over again, always desiring to experience more pleasant outcomes yet continually running into the same roadblocks which have held you back in the past.

It’s choosing to place your predominant focus on the things feared from the past that will ensure that more of the thing feared and focused on will be created in the future.

The reality is that you are NOT running into blocks and barriers keeping you from your desired outcomes…those things that you love…but rather attracting them to you and creating them based on YOUR choosing of keeping your focus on them.

Many, fully believing that by remaining aware of those things feared will enable them to escape them when in reality it is the awareness of and focus on the things feared which draws them to you. While you may come up with ways to temporarily counter the effects that the fear will create, you will always find yourself acting and escaping from the effects of the fear rather than focusing on love and never having to dodge or escape anything.

The bottom line is this…

You can choose to project love or you can choose to project fear. That’s an inalienable right we have each been provided. Unfortunately due to a choice to remain “unaware”, the mass majority experience mediocre results at best and very few ever experience the wholeness and fulfillment that life has to offer.

Perhaps you aren’t experiencing all of your desired hopes, dreams and desires either. If not, don’t feel alone because you are a part of the majority…but does that make you “feel” any better?

Why does it seem to happen this way? Because of where you keep your predominant focus…your quality of consciousness. Focusing on that which is feared can only attract and produce what you fear in physical form just as remaining focused on desired outcomes…those that you love will, with unwavering certainty draw to you the ways and means to produce the desired outcomes.

Combine Love With Action And Prosper

Although “consciousness is the seed for all of creation there is another element to experiencing your dreams and desires in the physical world. Although you are currently working on the “most essential” first step there is another component that must be “consciously” utilized as well…action.

Make no mistake…action is ALWAYS required in the fulfillment of hopes and dreams but when the focus remains fixated on the love of something the avenues to make that something into tangible physical form will ALWAYS be pleasant and feel good to you and due to the love and passion you have for what is attracted and presented can seem effortless.

Fear NEVER feels good. Fear is always struggle, resistance and continually attempting to swim against the current. Acting out of fear is NEVER pleasant and enjoyable.

Love is going with the flow and fear is paddling against it. At some point you get tired…fatigued…worn out. Inevitably love ALWAYS wins.

With that understanding established think about the areas of your life where you have a fear of something happening and examine that area consciously. Is the experience of the thing feared being realized?

If you get nothing else from this I hope you’ll grasp and understand this…

Love is the result of an internal beingness, something that we choose to be. Fear is only experienced as the result of looking at the physical events, conditions and circumstances in our lives, both past and present

It is essential that you discover and exercise your “true” power to discover that who you “really and truly are” has absolutely nothing to fear, but that we make ourselves fearful each time we look outside of ourselves for some external thing or power to make us feel fearless.

You have absolutely NOTHING to fear except your “unwillingness” to begin consciously, purposefully and intentionally creating the kind and quality of life that you have been provided the right, the ability as well as the choice to choose for yourself.

That creation begins within yourself. Choose Love inside and you’ll experience those things that you Love on the outside.  Love and Desire followed by action that harmonizes with love and desire produce desired results…a kind and quality of results that you Love.

Fear, doubt and worry followed by actions or inaction that harmonize with fear, doubt and worry produce results that harmonize with our choices.

The heart “feels” and communicates only Love and the mind processes those “feelings.” Depending on the filters that have been formed in the mind is what determines what emotions are ignited and experienced in the physical body which determine what type of actions are taken.

Fear filters dissipate and suppress the “feelings of love” that heart always communicates creating emotion resulting in “action” that in the vast majority of cases is disharmonious with taking “a kind and quality of action” that harmonizes with creating the tangible result that we “love and desire.”

To experience more of what we Love.

You are the only thing standing between what you desire and that desire being fulfilled.

Your life and the events, conditions and circumstances in your life are a mirrored reflection of what you yourself are choosing and “allowing” to happen.

Change is constant. It’s the way the Universe was constructed. It’s never idle. It never becomes stagnant. It’s constantly in motion and never rests. You could say that creation is a constant.

resist being stuck which creates an illusion that stuckness is our reality. It doesn’t “seem” to change but it is consistently changing and only recreates the same quality of outcome that we “perceive” that it will.

The cycles continue. Love provides it just as we choose.

These cycles can be clearly seen and witnessed in nature. The awe and perfection of the process never fails or wavers. The continuous arrival and passing of winter, spring, summer and fall clearly reveal one of these repeating and self replicating cycles which has been cycling for billions of years and will continue for billions more.

We never get “stuck” between seasons. We don’t get stuck in winter or any other season.

Universal Law which oversees and governs the process ensures that the cycles never cease…that the “flow” is always open. They are never interrupted or broken. They always unfold perfectly and precisely just as they were designed to do.

It begins by choosing to “become conscious.” First of all “conscious” of the heartfelt communication the heart is sending to the mind which is expressed in the desires you hold for yourself and others that harmonize with Love.

It’s nothing more or less than becoming “conscious” of the difference between heart data and head data.

Choosing to do so clearly reveals the difference between ego and higher self.

This requires nothing more than choosing to become quiet for a moment and allow those “heartfelt desires” to stir, awaken and surface at a conscious level.

 Reflect on…

  • What do you love with all your heart? What do you want with all your heart?
  • What experiences do you wish to engage in with all your heart?
  • Do these “desires” benefit and enable everyone involved to win?
  • Does the manifestation of the experience of what you love benefit all?
  •   Do these “heartfelt desires” align, harmonize and honor the “free will” of others?

 Become conscious of…

What are you allowing your “mind” to do when you think about the manifestation…the tangible creation of these “heartfelt desires?”

  • What conceptualizations are processed as you think about and ponder the “tangible creation” of the “heartfelt desire?”
  • What “perceptions” do you hold with regard to the “tangible creation” or the sabotage of your heartfelt desires?
  •   What emotions ignite?
  • Do they harmonize with Love and joy? Do they create a win win for all involved?

If you find the mind to be conflicting with your heartfelt desires, it’s going to be necessary to provide the mind with new data that supports, aligns and harmonizes with the desires held at the heart level.

To elevate the “mind” to harmonize with “heartfelt desires” that you have for yourself requires a willingness and a commitment to expand the quality of consciousness that is creating the “illusion” of limitation. It’s as simple and complex as developing the ability and willingness to harmonize and eliminate the “resistance” between heart and mind and developing the ability to accept and surrender to whatever “less than desired miracles” are being observed on the outside…in the physical Newtonian world.

The inflow of “heartfelt desires” begins by choosing to “Be anxious for nothing.” The flow provides “desired miracles” when we choose to “judge not by appearances and allow Love to shine through.

It’s an “internal battle” that you can disarm and win whenever you make the choice to do so. Doing so requires becoming conscious of the difference between heart communication (accepting, surrendering to and experiencing what you love) or head communication (accepting and surrendering to rather than avoiding and resisting what you fear)

You must involve, listen to and follow your heart if you want a consistent flow of consciously created and desired miracles. Your heart is far more powerful and creative than your brain or your mind when you choose to allow it to be.

Personally experiencing that power requires a surrender to the intellectual thought processes. It requires a willingness on your part to “Judge not by appearances”…to “be anxious for nothing” and keep focus on the “feelings” that the heart provides which always point toward Love and the fulfillment of “desires.”

It requires nothing more or less than turning the volume up at the heart level and turning the volume down at the level of consciousness. It requires becoming consciously aware of what the mind is instructing you to do that you recognize as going against or “resisting” the instruction of the heart which is clearly conveyed and communicated based on whatever you “truly desire” (love) to be, do or have.

Listen to and follow your heart…elevate your quality of consciousness to the heart level.

  • Focus on the love of rather than the “fear of.“

Focus on the “desired reality” rather than the “perceived reality.”

Focus on the “fulfillment of” rather than the “lack of.”

  • Focus on winning rather than NOT losing.
  • Focus on being wealthy rather than NOT being broke.
  • Focus on what you can do for and how you can best contribute to the happiness and fulfillment of others rather than what you can do for yourself and get for yourself despite the wants, needs and desires of others.

In essence it’s simply a matter of choosing Love as your conscious and/or underlying intention and doing the best you can to keep your attention on what is loved.

Learn to Love and accept unconditionally which automatically and effortlessly initiates surrender allowing what is loved to become real and tangible.

That’s where your “true power” lies and where infinite potential and possibility can be and will be experienced when you make a conscious choice to “allow“ it to be.

Love projected attracts to you and delivers what you love. Fear projected absent the Intention of Love keeps what you love from becoming real.

[Source:  Abundance-And-Happiness.com]

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blog contact: maria.dorfner@yahoo.com

Avoid Negative Spirals

This guest post is by Dan Lippmann of the Mood Switch Method.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is for your negative thinking to spiral out of control?

You start out by thinking one upsetting thought. In seconds, that thought leads to another, until you’ve produced a whole chain of negative thoughts. When combined together, these thoughts steal your sense of well-being, leaving anxiety and fear in their wake.

“I wonder if I’ll be able to meet that deadline.
If I don’t meet the deadline, my boss will go crazy.
He’ll give me a bad evaluation.
I’ll end up getting fired.
I won’t be able to pay my bills.
I’ll lose my home.
I’ll be out on the street with no money.
My life will be over.”

The most important thing for you to know is this: You don’t have to go along with whatever negative thoughts are triggering up in your brain. You can learn to direct your thinking in a way that will be helpful instead of harmful to you.

Breaking the chain of negative thinking

Picture your negative thoughts as a chain of associations. Your goal is to break the chain after the first link and then keep new links from being added.

This is easier than you might think and doesn’t require superhuman effort—only a little bit of awareness and practice.

You may be surprised to learn that your negative thoughts aren’t usually random. Often, there’s a specific underlying emotion (sadness, anger, jealousy) or theme (money, death, health) that triggers your negative thinking and serves to link your thoughts together. Once you’re aware of your personal patterns or themes, it’s easier to break the associations or links.

I realized this a few weeks ago when I heard on the radio that a TV personality from my childhood had died. I immediately felt mildly sad, and then I realized that my mind suddenly wanted to make other “death associations.” If I had allowed my thoughts free rein, they probably would have played out something like this:

“My mother’s dead.
My father’s dead.
I’m the same age as my father when he got sick.
I hope the same thing isn’t wrong with me.”

…and on and on!

If I had allowed this line of thinking to continue, I would have been in a down mood in a matter of minutes, and maybe spent the next few hours, or even days, feeling badly.

Fortunately, I recognized where my mind wanted to take me, and made a conscious choice to stop my thoughts in their tracks. I simply refocused my thoughts on something neutral – the tastes and smell of my breakfast – and then switched the radio to a music station that I like. I was able to stop the downward spiral before it began and to get on with my day.

So the next time you experience an upsetting feeling, ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Is there a benefit to thinking about this situation?
  2. Is there a benefit to following the chain of associations arising from this situation?

If the answer is no, turn your thoughts to something neutral, interesting, or uplifting. You might be surprised at how easy it is to avoid a downward spiral.

It might even save your day.

Change your negative thoughts, change your experience

William James, the “father” of psychology once wrote, “My experience is what I agree to attend to.” By refocusing our attention on the things that brighten our day, we can insulate ourselves from stress and boost our feelings of calm and contentment. What we pay attention to literally becomes our experience.

Choosing to think about something you’re looking forward to each day may sound simple – and it is. And if you do it consistently, you’ll notice your mood improving and your stress decreasing.

So before getting out of bed tomorrow morning, focus on one positive thing the day holds, and let me know how the rest of your day goes.

“You can think your way out of any negative emotion.” ~Dan Lippmann

Dan Lippmann counsels clients from his two Chicago-area offices and is the creator of the Mood Switch Method, an easy to learn technique that breaks the painful cycle of negative emotions, such as anxiety, down moods and anger. Download his free eBook, Beyond EFT: 7 Steps to Banish Stress, Worry, Fear and Anxiety, and sign up for his weekly tips at www.danlippmann.com.

Passion vs. Self-Discipline


Which is better: passion or self-discipline? I’ll argue that self-discipline is the better fuel.

I received an immediate comment from Hanif Rehman on Facebook to this blog, and I think he makes an extremely valid point.  Here’s what he said.  I believe it’s true.

“You’ll need passion or very strong desire to start though…self discipline then later kicks in.” ~Hanif Rehman

Like any emotional state, passion waxes and wanes. Sometimes you’re highly motivated. Sometimes you aren’t. Passion has its peaks and valleys, so if you base your actions on your level of passion, your results will depend on your emotions. Feeling passionate? Great actions, great results. Feeling dispassionate? Weak actions, mediocre results.

Using passion as your only fuel will no more assure you of success than being in love will ensure a successful long-term relationship.

Self-discipline is far more important than passion, especially in business. In fact, if you develop the quality of self-discipline to a high degree, it will put passion to shame.

“The undisciplined are slaves to moods, appetites and passions.” ~Stephen Covey

Self-discipline allows you take action and therefore get results no matter what your emotional state. Where passion is erratic, self-discipline provides steadiness and stability.

And because your emotions aren’t in the way, your decisions are more likely to succeed because they’ll be made from a state of disciplined intellect rather than from emotional peaks and valleys.

Which would you bet on if your life depended on it?

If you were to undergo open heart surgery, would you want a disciplined, dispassionate surgeon or an undisciplined, passionate one?

If you were being tried for murder, would you want a disciplined, dispassionate defense team or a an undisciplined, passionate one?

If you were flying in the Space Shuttle, would you want the ground controllers to be disciplined and dispassionate or undisciplined and passionate?

Passion is great, but it’s icing. It needs self-discipline to back it up.

Self-discipline is quieter though. Passion gets more attention these days because it makes more noise.

StevePavlina.com

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