They are not identical, but they’re born at the same time.
They are interchangeable. If you feel healthy you feel happy.
If you feel happy, you’re more likely to feel healthy.
So what’s the key to happiness? I can tell you that if you think it’s a destination as in, “I will be happy when I retire and move to Florida” or “I’ll be happy when I’m on vacation next week” –you will not be happy.
KEY #1: HAPPINESS IS WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. If you can be happy living in one room, you’ll be happy living in twenty. If you’re not happy in one room, that will not change once the novelty of the twenty rooms wears off.
KEY #2: FIND HUMOR IN TENSE SITUATIONS. Whenever you can’t control a situation, control how you react to it, which is essentially to not react to it. Respond with calmness, kindness, understanding, compassion or humor whenever you can.
KEY #3: DON’T BE TENSE UNLESS YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE. Even then, it’s the calm person more likely to get out safe.
KEY 4: HAVE AT LEAST 1 FRIEND YOU TRUST 10o%.
This isn’t someone who lies, betrays, cheats, gossips or ignores. This is the non-judgmental son you can text: I tossed the garbage out in my robe and now I’m locked out at 3 a.m. friend who laughs first and then helps you figure out what to do next. Ok, maybe you need 3 friends like this.
KEY 5: SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE. Refer back to #4. These are people who know life is rarely a straight line. The journey is filled with hills and valleys. Positive people genuinely find the best in every situation and see the best in everyone. They are slow to judge others and they don’t gossip because the other person isn’t there to present their side, and if you’re over the age of nine you know there is another side.
KEY #6: MAKE HEALTHY CHOICES. Buy healthy, stock up on healthy food and water, walk daily, drink lots of water, get enough sleep and fresh air and you will feel better. Replace bad comfort foods with healthier ones. Remember perfect is the evil of good. Educate yourself on what is nutritious. There is a search button on this blog where you can type in nutrition or food to pull up prior blogs on that.
KEY7: KNOW THAT NO ONE FEELS HAPPY ALL THE TIME. Accept the ebb and flow as natural. You’re human and will feel different emotions each day. You manage your state of mind by managing all the above, so that your dominant state is one of calmness and contentment. Think of a pleasant thought right now. Smile to yourself. Hold that thought. Your brain just registered that you are happy. You’re the only one who owns your Happiness keys. Use all your senses to pick up on things to be happy and grateful for: birds chirping, quiet, music, time to be reading this blog, eyesight to be reading this.
Tony Robbins says, “Change your EXPECTATIONS for yourself or others to APPRECIATION.” Love that.
Happiness is not something you postpone for future; it is something you design into present.
Happy people do a lot of things. They spend time expressing gratitude, cultivating optimism, practicing kindness, nurturing loving relationships, committing to meaningful goals, savoring life’s little pleasures, and so on and so forth.
But they NEVER…
1. Mind other people’s business.
Forget about what others are doing. Stop looking at where they are and what they have. Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you. YOU are walking your own path. Sometimes the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes circumstances with everyone else’s public highlight reel. We listen to the noise of the world, instead of ourselves. So stop the comparisons! Ignore the distractions. Listen to your own inner voice. Mind your own business.
Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day. Don’t be scared to walk alone, and don’t be scared to enjoy it. Don’t let anyone’s ignorance, drama, or negativity stop you from being the best you can be. Keep doing what you know in your heart is right, for YOU. Because when you are focused on meaningful work and at peace within yourself, almost nothing can shake you. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Passion and Growth” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
2. Seek validation of self-worth from others.
When you are content to simply be yourself, without comparing and competing to impress others, everyone worthwhile will respect you. And even more importantly, you will respect yourself.
How are you letting others define you? What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
Truth be told, no one has the right to judge you. People may have heard your stories, and they may think they know you, but they can’t feel what you are going through; they aren’t living YOUR life. So forget what they think and say about you. Focus on how you feel about yourself, and keep walking the path that feels best under your feet.
Those who accept you are your friends. Those who don’t are your teachers. If someone calls you something and it’s true, it’s not your problem because it’s true. If someone calls you something and it’s not true, it’s not your problem because it’s not true. Either way, whatever they call you is not your problem. What other people call you is their problem…
What you call yourself, and who you decide to become, is your problem.
3. Rely on other people and external events for happiness.
Unhappiness lies in that gap between what we have now and what we think we need. But the truth is, we don’t need to acquire anything more to be content with what we already have. We don’t need anyone else’s permission to be happy. Your life is magnificent not because someone says it is, or because you have acquired something new, but because you choose to see it as such. Don’t let your happiness be held hostage. It is always yours to choose, to live and experience.
As soon as you stop making everyone and everything else responsible for your happiness, the happier you’ll be. If you’re unhappy now, it’s not someone else’s fault. Take full responsibility for your own unhappiness, and you will instantly gain the ability to be happier. Stop seeking in vain to arrange conditions that will make you happy. Simply choose to appreciate the greatness that is yours in this moment, and the right conditions will start to line up around the contentment you seek.
The greater part of your happiness or unhappiness depends upon your outlook, and not upon our situation. Even if things aren’t perfect right now, think of all the beauty still left around you. A good reason to smile is always one thought away; choose to tap into it any time you like. (Read The Gifts of Imperfection.)
4. Hold on to resentment.
Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghosts from your past. What happened in the past is just one chapter in your story; don’t close the book, just turn the page.
We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others, and while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long. Feelings of resentment urge us to relive the same pain over and over, and we have a hard time letting go.
Forgiveness is the remedy. It allows you to focus on the future without combating the past. To understand the infinite potential of everything going forward is to forgive everything already behind you. Without forgiveness, wounds can never be healed and personal growth can never be achieved. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.
5. Spend prolonged periods of time in negative environments.
You can’t make positive choices for the rest of your life without an environment that makes those choices easy, natural, and enjoyable. So protect your spirit and potential from contamination by limiting your time with negative people and the environments they inhabit.
When other people invite you to act like victims, when they whine and moan about the unfairness of life, for example, and ask you to agree, to offer condolences, and to participate in their grievances, WALK AWAY. When you join in that game of negativity you always lose.
Even when you’re alone, create a positive mental space for yourself. Make it a point to give up all the thoughts that make you feel bad, or even just a few of them that have been troubling you, and see how doing that changes your life. You don’t need negative thoughts. They are all lies. They solve nothing. All they have ever given you is a false self that suffers for no reason. (Read Buddha’s Brain.)
6. Resist the truth.
It is a certain deathtrap when we spend our lives learning how to lie, because eventually these lies grow so strong in our minds that we become bad at seeing, telling and living our own truth. Lives come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies. If you resist the truth, you will live a lie every day as the truth haunts your thoughts every night. You simply can’t get away from your truth by moving dishonestly from one place to the next.
So don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to hide the truth with deception; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion of what’s popular. It is better to offer no explanation or excuse than a false one. It takes courage and strength to admit the truth, but it is the only way to truly live. Accept what is, embrace it fully, and live for the possibilities that lie ahead.
What would you add to the list? What’s something you should NOT do if you want to be happy? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
About Guest Author, Marc Chernoff
Marc and Angel Chernoff have been recognized by Forbes as having “one of the most popular personal development blogs.” Through their blog, book, course and coaching, they’ve spent the past decade writing about and teaching proven strategies for finding lasting happiness, success, love and peace.
Marc and Angel both share a great passion for inspiring others to live to their fullest potential, and they honestly feel best when they are inspiring others to be their best.
MARIA DORFNER, an award-winning health journalist, TV writer and producer, including original health programming, is the founder of NewsMD Communications, LLC promoting best in class health startups, hospitals, non-profits, health books, physicians & health stories to national media & consumers. She is the founder of Healthy Within Network, a health content production, programming & distribution company.